Title: Faded Vibrancy
Author: Aznmen (lol remember me?)
Pairing: JaeMin, one-sided YunJae
Genre: Angst (warning: character death~ yes I’m back xD)
Summary: I won’t forget the sight of Yunho’s heart crumpling right in front of me, or the screech of my own as it broke. But most of all, I won’t forget Jaejoong’s smile as he took my hand and whispered, “It’ll be alright.”
It had happened so suddenly. I don’t think any of us could have expected it, least of all Yunho. I think he was the one that was hit the hardest. After all, Jaejoong had seemed so fine, so lively. Looking back at it, I feel as if I should’ve noticed something, anything. Maybe we should’ve visited the doctors more often, maybe gotten regular checkups. We had even dismissed his early complaints of weakness as stress, or because he wasn’t getting enough sleep. None of us were.
So really, we aren’t to blame, right?
Still, when we fit in a checkup in between practices and concerts, tours and autograph sessions, we found out that more tests had to be done. The doctors were worried, and we cancelled a few practices, rescheduled a concert. He was called in several times, and yet he progressively became weaker, almost exponentially so, his face becoming drawn, his expressions dull, and his smile barely shown at all. They prescribed medicine upon medicine, almost as if he were a test-doll. We cancelled more practices, cancelled concerts and autograph sessions, cancelled photo-ops. We had to stay close to him, he could barely support himself anymore, and his speech was becoming slurred.
Our lives soon revolved around the constant doctor visits. Lying out of public attention, DBSK faded slowly, and SHINee, the new younger boy band, began to outpace us, began to win more awards, and to shine brighter than the dormant gods. And yet Jaejoong would smile, wave his hand limply, and slur, “I’ll be better soon, you just wait.”
And then they found it. Two cancerous tumours. One in his lower neck, and one just below his jaw. He went through radio-therapy, and he began to show signs of improvement. He started to smile like he used to, he was able to stomach more, and had more strength. But it was really just a false hope, and it threw Yunho into the pit of despair when Jaejoong’s health turned right back around.
We couldn’t take it anymore. We were only so strong. Yunho had holed himself in his room, and I would walk in my own to find YooChun cuddled in Junsu’s arms, crying his heart out. We had to find a real nurse to care for Jaejoong the way he should be, and with the others the way they were, I was the only one left. I called around, trying to find the best hospital, the best care, and the most comfortable service. I was also the one to call the funeral home to arrange for a cubby for the ashes.
I would also be the one to sit by him. He’d be curled in my arms so he wouldn’t fall, his head against my shoulders, and he’d cry. He’d cry for putting us through all this, cry because he knew that he wasn’t going to be around for much longer, and he’d cry for the things he’d never do.
When we admitted him into the nursing home, he smiled at me weakly, his voice barely audible because of the pain of speaking, “I’m putting you through so much.” And even though I knew I shouldn’t, and even though I had told myself I wouldn’t, I cried.
I had never believed in those dramas when the doctor came all solemn-like to tell the family that there was a certain time left. I thought it was all for show.
The sight of Jaejoong’s mother’s face when she heard will never leave my mind. The wail she emitted will always repeat in my head. I won’t forget the sight of Yunho’s heart crumpling right in front of me, or the screech of my own as it broke. But most of all, I won’t forget Jaejoong’s smile as he took my hand and whispered, “It’ll be alright.”
Once the tumours were found, it seemed that everything seemed to go downhill from there. When going through chemotherapy, Jaejoong’s hair started to fall out, and the shock of that sent Junsu running from the room. When problems with his stomach and liver were found, they had to go through multiple surgeries and Jaejoong looked worse for the wear. Each time we visited, it was as if Jaejoong was aged ten more years.
The last visit, I think we could all tell it was almost over. He could barely open his eyes, barely open his lips, and he had hardly any strength. The vibrant youthful Jaejoong was replaced by an old man withered with pain and suffering. Even though it pained us to admit it, we were glad he was almost through it; he had just suffered so much. The visit was short; YooChun and Junsu couldn’t stop crying, I felt like I was going to break, and Yunho didn’t look much better.
I don’t know why I did it, maybe because I knew it was the end… I leaned over him, kissed him lightly on the cheek, “I’ve always loved you.”
He smiled, opened his eyes briefly, and whispered, “I know you did.” A single tear rolled down his cheek, but he struggled against his own weakness and took my hand. “I love you too.”
I wished that at this moment, some sort of miracle could happen, like his disease could be magically cured. But moments passed, and nothing of that sort happened. So I leaned down and kissed him gently on the lips this time. It was at that instant I felt a great sigh come from his body, and I knew without hearing the incessant note coming from the machine that he had left me.
100 Theme Pic Challenge – Smile
Written around midnight XD started on 3-08, finished at 3-09 (00.19 AM)
I haven’t written much right? I hope you guys haven’t forgotten me, but actually the fact that I got a new layout was my reason for writing something XD I can’t just say ‘hey go look’ so … XD love you guys! ^^